“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
After having a very tiring shift at work I came home & decided to get out of this funk. It hit me when I decided to just sit outside while my daughter was napping. I sat in the backyard, admired the sunshine & took in the fresh air. It was great & I think exactly what I needed.
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So, I got to talk to KP today, for roughly 2 minutes. But those 2 minutes were what I needed. I miss him but I'm glad that I'm slowly being "trained" back into the deployment mindset that I got out of since his last one. There is something strange about this upcoming deployment though, something I don't like and trying to grasp but I'm finding it difficult to understand. I came across a trailer for a documentary on the battle of Marjah, Afghanistan. I remember KP writing me in December and telling me to watch the news in the "Month of Cupid". (You see, Operations Security is huge and we do our best to follow it to a T. That means talking in "code" sometimes. Month of Cupid=February)Well, seeing the trailer brought back some feelings that I guess I forgot.
I'm a different breed of military significant others, I don't avoid news, reports, articles about war while he's gone. Some ladies don't want to watch it because it's sad and makes them worry. Well, that's not me. I hate crying & dwelling on stuff I can't change. The unknown scares me and I truly believe knowledge is power. So I stock up on all I can so I can make my own educated guesses.
So, back to this feeling, this will be his 5th deployment, 3rd combat tour & I guess in a way I feel like he's closing in on his 9th life. I know that's a terrible way to think but,hey, it's my blog and I'm not holding back. I'm worried about this one & it's not a good feeling. But there isn't anything I can do but embrace the present and love him with all my heart. They say to live like he deploys tomorrow and slowly that saying is becoming reality. He isn't the mushy gushy type & in many ways I'm not either. But I'm going to make our time together great and wonderful. That's the least I can do for a hero. I mean, he is fighting a war and he deserves a woman who will give him all he wants. He spoils me & I think it's about time I return the favor. We will live in the sunshine and prepare for the war.
So, back to this feeling, this will be his 5th deployment, 3rd combat tour & I guess in a way I feel like he's closing in on his 9th life. I know that's a terrible way to think but,hey, it's my blog and I'm not holding back. I'm worried about this one & it's not a good feeling. But there isn't anything I can do but embrace the present and love him with all my heart. They say to live like he deploys tomorrow and slowly that saying is becoming reality. He isn't the mushy gushy type & in many ways I'm not either. But I'm going to make our time together great and wonderful. That's the least I can do for a hero. I mean, he is fighting a war and he deserves a woman who will give him all he wants. He spoils me & I think it's about time I return the favor. We will live in the sunshine and prepare for the war.
He's fighting a battle, bullets as his ammo. I'm back home fighting my own battle, love as mine.
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