My Little Experiement

Okay, so I've been wanting to do something fun. But I'll need your help! I want to write on a specific topic for each day of the week next week. 

So Monday might be to talk about me, my life etc.

Tuesday could be about something fun like posting funny and embarassing pictures of my life.

Wednesday could be a tutorial on something.

etc. etc.

So, here's where you come in! What would you like to see? Want some funny stuff? Inspirational? Educational? Political?

I'd love to have the people reading this involved somewhat! So here's your chance. :)

Let's have fun with it!

I can't wait to see what y'all come up with! 

Just Another Day

“Don't pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs.”

I wrote this note on facebook not too long ago. And I thought I would share it. It wraps up how I'm feeling. 

I miss him and I'm fighting a battle right now. A battle I WILL win, but it's tough. For many reasons, maybe even too many to explain. We're both preparing for this deployment in different ways. I just want it to be April already. 

Here it is:

"I've been involved in the Military lifestyle for sometime now. Most of my life. 

It all started with my father. A Marine. Once a Marine, Always a Marine, he still says.

Well, in my 23 young years of life I've come across some of the most amazing people. Some people I've built a family with. My Military Family.

Now, you must understand that these bonds aren't like anything else. It's hard to fully explain but they build so quickly & grow so strong. I've learned many things from these wonderful people. How to be patient even through the worst times, how to take the bad and turn it into something amazing and most importantly, how to love with all my might. And they've taught me the true meaning of what it means to live & love like there is no tomorrow.

A few of my friends have lost their loved ones to war, to spiteful acts & to other's selfish deeds. I've been fortunate enough to say that I have not lost a close loved one to war. 

I look through their pictures, watch their videos and see the faces of these young people. I stare into their eyes and hurt inside. Knowing that the person who loved them so very much will never look into those eyes again, never kiss those lips again or simply touch their skin again. Pain, hurt and sadness hit me. But then, anger. 

I'm angry at all those times I was upset at him for some small, stupid reason. Angry at all the couples who take advantage of having their loved one near & alive. I'm mad that it would take one simple bullet, one explosion, one wound to strip that person from us. In a heart beat they can be gone.

If they can be gone in a heart beat, why does it take us so long to realize how much we love them or to show them so.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to wait till it's too late to show Kristopher how much he means to me. If something were ever to happen to either one of us, I want to look back and say we loved each other wholeheartedly. 

So, to those who have lost a loved one, thank you. Thank you for letting me learn through your hardships, for seeing what I have in front of me & for teaching me to love with all my heart and all my might. I refuse to live like I'm above death & war. Because in all reality, I could be gone tomorrow."

The Secrets to My Life

"Just living is not enough.  One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."  

~Hans Christian Anderson

I've been complimented on being optimistic, upbeat and productive. People have told me "I don't know how you do" on numerous occasions. How do I do it? I'll share my secret. :)

My life is not perfect, but it is wonderful. I have a job (which so many are having difficulty in finding) and an amazing little girl who is always ecstatic when I come home, she looks forward to me. I have the greatest man in my life who loves me and treats me and our Bug wonderfully. I have my health & happy with my body image. I'm passionate and have many talents. I have a wonderful family with the best friends a girl could ask for. I'm not rich, but have clothes on my back, roof over my head and food on the table. I don't struggle. 

The Lord has blessed me with many things and, in my eyes, to not be optimistic, upbeat and productive would seem like a slap in the face to His blessings. Life is too short to worry about what I don't have. My goal in life is to be the best mother, best wife, grow in my spiritual relationship & one final thing. If I have accomplished those, then my work on earth is done.

My final goal is... I want to inspire people, I want to make differences in lives, I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. 

The quote above fits my mood perfectly. 

My life is my sunshine. His love, duty and heroism gives me freedom..and the beautiful girl I call Ellie is my little flower.

Remember to take in the good, learn from the bad and enjoy your life. 

PTSD & TBI- What I've learned

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?"

-Eve Merriam 

If you know me, you know that I have passion for a few things in life. My daughter, music, art, many things. All of those are beautiful things. But there is something in my life that I have passion for that isn't beautiful. It's ugly. Very ugly.

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI) are two things that I've come to know on many different levels. My first encounter with it was in a book. Studying psychology brought it to me and instantly I was hooked. I found it interesting and worth more of my time. This dream of working with veterans of all ages started to form and grow into something amazing. 

I then met K & I realized that this dream is within reach. I since started my own volunteer ran organization that is dedicated to raising awareness for military PTSD & TBI. Two things that I think are continually being swept under the carpet. When I started it, I didn't think that it would make as much of an impact on me as it has. I started receiving e-mails from veterans speaking of this 1000 yard stare and how their lives have crumbled since war, death and fighting. Some of these courageous families were able to pick up the pieces and win the battle against PTSD...some were not.

So here is what I've learned from PTSD & TBI.

War is so much more than most of us can comprehend. I thought I had a decent grasp on it but until I met Kristopher, & I learned I was totally wrong. These men and women go to a foreign place and fight for a country that doesn't even know their name. I learned that I could never do what they do. 

The biggest thing I learned is that not all wounds are visible. We assume that they must be okay if they come back in one piece. A lot of people forget about these troops, the ones who have left the battlefield..but the battlefield wont leave them. 

I've gotten e-mails from people saying what I'm doing is "wonderful" or "inspiring". But there is nothing I can do that is more inspiring than what our men and women in uniform do. I hope to be half the person that some of those people are someday. I learned that I'm ready to be the change that I wish to see in the world. 

And maybe one day, Ellie will ask me what war was.

Our Love is a Garden

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. 

-Max Muller 

I've been a bit MIA because my internet wasn't working, but now I'm back, with photos of some wedding ideas!

First, I have to give big kudos to my amazing husband to be, he sent me a photo today of a cake and topper he liked and wanted for the wedding. I was shocked but in a great way! :) He even expressed that it was "cool" to decide something for the wedding & he even asked his friend to be best man. I've said it many times before, I'll say it again, he never ceases to amaze me. 

Now, I've been looking up bouquets. January doesn't exactly have a TON of options (none that I like at least or they don't match my colors) but I did come across these. I like them, they're different and simple. I just don't think K will like them. I guess we'll see! Here's a photo. (Our wedding colors have recently been changed from charcoal and yellow to charcoal and red)

This specific one has a blue tint to it, but I'm okay with that. Although, there are some that are black/charcoal in the center. Here is another one I liked, but don't think these types of flowers are in season:

There is an issue I have with the above bouquet. It seems like they are very typical and I'd rather have something different and unique than generic :) But those are the two types I've been leaning towards since I started my search for bouquets.

Well, those are some sneak peek photos for you. I had a long, sick day. But K & I have a skype date tonight, so I know that'll help put me in a lovely mood before bed. 

There is something about this man, I can't pin-point it but it's amazing.

Living in the Sunshine

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

After having a very tiring shift at work I came home & decided to get out of this funk. It hit me when I decided to just sit outside while my daughter was napping. I sat in the backyard, admired the sunshine & took in the fresh air. It was great & I think exactly what I needed.

----

So, I got to talk to KP today, for roughly 2 minutes. But those 2 minutes were what I needed. I miss him but I'm glad that I'm slowly being "trained" back into the deployment mindset that I got out of since his last one. There is something strange about this upcoming deployment though, something I don't like and trying to grasp but I'm finding it difficult to understand. I came across a trailer for a documentary on the battle of Marjah, Afghanistan. I remember KP writing me in December and telling me to watch the news in the "Month of Cupid". (You see, Operations Security is huge and we do our best to follow it to a T. That means talking in "code" sometimes. Month of Cupid=February)Well, seeing the trailer brought back some feelings that I guess I forgot. 

I'm a different breed of military significant others, I don't avoid news, reports, articles about war while he's gone. Some ladies don't want to watch it because it's sad and makes them worry. Well, that's not me. I hate crying & dwelling on stuff I can't change. The unknown scares me and I truly believe knowledge is power. So I stock up on all I can so I can make my own educated guesses. 


So, back to this feeling, this will be his 5th deployment, 3rd combat tour & I guess in a way I feel like he's closing in on his 9th life. I know that's a terrible way to think but,hey, it's my blog and I'm not holding back. I'm worried about this one & it's not a good feeling. But there isn't anything I can do but embrace the present and love him with all my heart. They say to live like he deploys tomorrow and slowly that saying is becoming reality. He isn't the mushy gushy type & in many ways I'm not either. But I'm going to make our time together great and wonderful. That's the least I can do for a hero. I mean, he is fighting a war and he deserves a woman who will give him all he wants. He spoils me & I think it's about time I return the favor. We will live in the sunshine and prepare for the war. 

He's fighting a battle, bullets as his ammo. I'm back home fighting my own battle, love as mine. 

Engagements, weddings & planning...Oh My!

Show Me A Marriage With Humor
And I'll Show You A Healthy Marriage

------

After a few weeks of wedding planning hiatus, I had a dream last night full of wedding day blunders and it was all I needed to kick me in the butt and make me get back to planning. Needless to say, I'm back on! It's so interesting to plan an entire year (and sometimes more) for one day! One very expensive day. Hah!

KP seems to be the very typical engaged man. His response is always the same, "Just tell me when & where". At first I was bummed out. I kept thinking, why doesn't he wanna help? Is he not excited that we're getting married?. Then I remembered that he's a man! He's never been the type to jump in excitement. As far as wedding goes, his job is done- He proposed! haha So now I need to step up and plan the wedding of our dreams. I know him well enough to make a day that we'll both love & cherish. He's a simple man with simple needs. :)

We will be having two wedding ceremonies, both of which I'm very excited about. One winter beauty on January 7th, 2012. The other in the spring time in Texas! I'm a lucky lady. Two weddings, two bands, two dresses & two amazing families to share it with. 

OH! Time for a random side note. KP has received his pre-deployment leave dates! So we have planned an amazingly epic vacation! He flies to California, we take a road trip to Texas & back. Then I fly to Hawaii with him! Yes, Hawaii. He's been stationed there since Feb. 2009 & I have still never been there! We'll get 3 wonderful, baby-free days together in paradise. We are both very excited! 

Welp. The little one has risen from her nap. Back to job #1, motherhood. Job #2, planning, will have to wait. :)

Next blog teaser. Photos of wedding ideas. (Some that aren't even on Facebook. After all, you're actually taking the time to read this so I should reward you in some way, right?) Till next time!