One Care Package at a Time

Mr. & Mrs. Privitar

Yes! We're married. Woah! Soo much has happened since I took the time to sit and write. Where do I start? Well, a lot of my friends know most of what has happened. But here is a recap, game-day style! April 1st K flies into California and we run off to get married that same day. It was beautifully simple and perfect! April 5th we fly together to HAWAII! Woohoo. We had a blast. April 10th I fly home..alone. Yup. It was that time. Kristopher is now serving overseas in Operation Enduring Freedom with the U.S. Marine Corps 1st Battalion, 3rd Marines. And boy do I miss him. But onward do I push!

What good comes of deployments? Not a whole lot, but one thing that I find happiness in doing is writing him letters and...wait for it...CARE PACKAGES! Yes! So I will be sharing my journey through this deployment. My struggles, triumphs and more. I really hope you're ready. I'm known to post a lot of FB. But I will be sharing much deeper thoughts on here. Why? Because I'm also hoping that K will get the chance to read these while deployed and I want him to be able to see how I'm growing and staying strong for him. 

So here is my first care package. Not  my best, but Sarah's gotta get her groove back! So bare with me :)

We go from this:

To This: Go Me! 

{{Yes, I fit it all in there! Momma got some skill!}}

Now to bed! Phew! I got to talk to my lovely husband (eek still crazy to say! lol) a couple times within the last two days! I'm VERY content with that. I love him & miss him something fierce. 

There is nothing but time & distance between us.  And frankly, we're stronger than both of those combined.

The Unbreakable Bond

Photo Credit: Tawny Campbell Photography (TLC Photography)

{{http://www.tawnycampbell.com/

http://www.facebook.com/pages/TLC-Photography/259866668838?v=wall}}

"As we were walking away, my 7 year old daughter turned back and saw this whole line of flags right off the flight line and she pointed out that the US and German flags were at half mast. I walked over to take a photo of it and noticed that as the other flags fluttered the US flag did not. The thought came to me that 'Sometimes even flags cry.'

All of the flags fluttered in the breeze but the US flag. I stood there for over 45 minutes, and it never once flew in it's glory, until the plane carrying Zach and Nick took off... then and only then did the flag finally fly, as if to bid them a farewell." -Tawny Archibald Campbell 

March 2nd, 2011 a family's life was changed forever. Like many military families, these two families lost someone to a selfish & horrible act. Arid Uka, a radical Muslim who deliberately targets US Servicemembers, shot and killed Senior Airman Nicholas J. Alden , 25 & Airman 1st Class Zachary R. Cuddeback in Germany while these two along with other troops were on their way to deploy. (You can read the whole story at http://www.kxlh.com/news/usaf-officials-identify-airmen-killed-in-germany-shooting/)

As a military wife-to-be, I understand that fear of losing your loved one while they are deployed to an unknown country, fighting a war. But it never crosses our minds that maybe, just maybe, we could lose them before our eyes to something like this. My heart goes out to the families and I will continue to pray for them.

So, why did I decide to write about this? Well, you see, I have been a witness to some amazing things and when I look back at these amazing things, most are done by military families. When tragedy and even death come knocking at our doors we are all there to open them and to face what many people can't. Not only that, but we come together for one another, for "complete strangers". 

We decide to throw out all the branch rivalry & ranks and step up to help another military family in need. I can tell you right now why we all do that. Because when we read or hear about these sad stories each and every one of us stops and thinks...that could've been me. Because in all reality, it could have. We've all been in an airport saying our farewells (or as we affectionately call our good-byes, our "see you laters"), we've all had to sleep those sleepless nights just wondering where our loved ones are and if they're safe, we've all thought about losing them. 

I've told many people before, I do not think military families are "better" or should be held on a pedestal. But I will tell you this, I do believe we are the quickest to jump up and help "complete strangers" in need. We will send items to a family whose house burnt down or bid $50 on a $10 item just to help a family who lost a husband, father and loved one. We all do what we can and its simply breathtaking to see.

Outside looking in, people see us as strangers, but when you're standing inside this chaotic & beautiful life we call the military we are never strangers. We are friends who very quickly turn to family. We have a short time to build bonds with others because we never know when our next PCS will be, maybe even someone's EAS is coming up or *knock on wood* death. 

So here I am, writing, and thinking about all the friendships I've made and I can assure you, the bonds I've made with these "strangers" are unbreakable. 

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

-Christopher Reeve

Rest Easy Heroes.

Life's Flavors

If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.

Eleanor Roosevelt

My life has been this crazy whirlwind these past several months and especially the last two. It's been balanced between the beauty of blessings and the anguish of hardships. I've cried and I've laughed. Boy, have I laughed. Throughout it all I have learned to embrace what I HAVE and not what I wish I had, or what I wish I could change. 

"Unpredictable" is saying the least of my life. But honestly, I would have it no other way. There are many things in my life I can not control. I learned that very quickly. As much as I love to be the "boss" of everything, I had to learn to step back and let things take it's course. If strength doesn't come from learning a lesson like that, I don't know what it comes from. 

People get so wrapped up in these fire balls of unknown that are thrown at us and let it get them down. When something comes up we have two options, to adapt and overcome or to lay down and complain why nothing is changing. 

I've been made fun of for always saying "adapt and overcome" and have gone toe to toe to explain that in EVERY situation you always have choices. And you can always overcome. Key word-YOU. Only you can pick yourself up and jump hurdles. 

Don't get me wrong, K is wonderful and has an amazing ability to make me laugh at a drop of a dime. But at the end of the day, I have to be the one to pick myself up. Because in all reality, he's not always present (thanks to the military). So if I rely on him to get me through everything then what am I to do when he's gone. I don't know about you, but I hate setting myself up for failure and that's just a big mess waiting to happen. 

K & I have always told each other that we do not NEED each other. But, gosh, do we WANT each other. And that's what I love about us. I don't need him to be strong but I want to be strong for him.  I do not need him to be beautiful but want to beautiful to him. I do not need him to be loved..but I sure do want his love. Our strength is most other couple's weakness. 

So, because of  him, upcoming deployment, my beautifully curious daughter & all the other wonders in my life I've come to learn that it's all one big ride. And damnit, I'm going to enjoy it. No matter what. 

Mark my words, I will continue to be happy despite all the changes in my life. Because in my world, my blessings outweigh the unpredictable by far. 

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.

My Little Experiement

Okay, so I've been wanting to do something fun. But I'll need your help! I want to write on a specific topic for each day of the week next week. 

So Monday might be to talk about me, my life etc.

Tuesday could be about something fun like posting funny and embarassing pictures of my life.

Wednesday could be a tutorial on something.

etc. etc.

So, here's where you come in! What would you like to see? Want some funny stuff? Inspirational? Educational? Political?

I'd love to have the people reading this involved somewhat! So here's your chance. :)

Let's have fun with it!

I can't wait to see what y'all come up with! 

Just Another Day

“Don't pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger backs.”

I wrote this note on facebook not too long ago. And I thought I would share it. It wraps up how I'm feeling. 

I miss him and I'm fighting a battle right now. A battle I WILL win, but it's tough. For many reasons, maybe even too many to explain. We're both preparing for this deployment in different ways. I just want it to be April already. 

Here it is:

"I've been involved in the Military lifestyle for sometime now. Most of my life. 

It all started with my father. A Marine. Once a Marine, Always a Marine, he still says.

Well, in my 23 young years of life I've come across some of the most amazing people. Some people I've built a family with. My Military Family.

Now, you must understand that these bonds aren't like anything else. It's hard to fully explain but they build so quickly & grow so strong. I've learned many things from these wonderful people. How to be patient even through the worst times, how to take the bad and turn it into something amazing and most importantly, how to love with all my might. And they've taught me the true meaning of what it means to live & love like there is no tomorrow.

A few of my friends have lost their loved ones to war, to spiteful acts & to other's selfish deeds. I've been fortunate enough to say that I have not lost a close loved one to war. 

I look through their pictures, watch their videos and see the faces of these young people. I stare into their eyes and hurt inside. Knowing that the person who loved them so very much will never look into those eyes again, never kiss those lips again or simply touch their skin again. Pain, hurt and sadness hit me. But then, anger. 

I'm angry at all those times I was upset at him for some small, stupid reason. Angry at all the couples who take advantage of having their loved one near & alive. I'm mad that it would take one simple bullet, one explosion, one wound to strip that person from us. In a heart beat they can be gone.

If they can be gone in a heart beat, why does it take us so long to realize how much we love them or to show them so.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to wait till it's too late to show Kristopher how much he means to me. If something were ever to happen to either one of us, I want to look back and say we loved each other wholeheartedly. 

So, to those who have lost a loved one, thank you. Thank you for letting me learn through your hardships, for seeing what I have in front of me & for teaching me to love with all my heart and all my might. I refuse to live like I'm above death & war. Because in all reality, I could be gone tomorrow."

The Secrets to My Life

"Just living is not enough.  One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."  

~Hans Christian Anderson

I've been complimented on being optimistic, upbeat and productive. People have told me "I don't know how you do" on numerous occasions. How do I do it? I'll share my secret. :)

My life is not perfect, but it is wonderful. I have a job (which so many are having difficulty in finding) and an amazing little girl who is always ecstatic when I come home, she looks forward to me. I have the greatest man in my life who loves me and treats me and our Bug wonderfully. I have my health & happy with my body image. I'm passionate and have many talents. I have a wonderful family with the best friends a girl could ask for. I'm not rich, but have clothes on my back, roof over my head and food on the table. I don't struggle. 

The Lord has blessed me with many things and, in my eyes, to not be optimistic, upbeat and productive would seem like a slap in the face to His blessings. Life is too short to worry about what I don't have. My goal in life is to be the best mother, best wife, grow in my spiritual relationship & one final thing. If I have accomplished those, then my work on earth is done.

My final goal is... I want to inspire people, I want to make differences in lives, I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. 

The quote above fits my mood perfectly. 

My life is my sunshine. His love, duty and heroism gives me freedom..and the beautiful girl I call Ellie is my little flower.

Remember to take in the good, learn from the bad and enjoy your life. 

PTSD & TBI- What I've learned

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?"

-Eve Merriam 

If you know me, you know that I have passion for a few things in life. My daughter, music, art, many things. All of those are beautiful things. But there is something in my life that I have passion for that isn't beautiful. It's ugly. Very ugly.

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI) are two things that I've come to know on many different levels. My first encounter with it was in a book. Studying psychology brought it to me and instantly I was hooked. I found it interesting and worth more of my time. This dream of working with veterans of all ages started to form and grow into something amazing. 

I then met K & I realized that this dream is within reach. I since started my own volunteer ran organization that is dedicated to raising awareness for military PTSD & TBI. Two things that I think are continually being swept under the carpet. When I started it, I didn't think that it would make as much of an impact on me as it has. I started receiving e-mails from veterans speaking of this 1000 yard stare and how their lives have crumbled since war, death and fighting. Some of these courageous families were able to pick up the pieces and win the battle against PTSD...some were not.

So here is what I've learned from PTSD & TBI.

War is so much more than most of us can comprehend. I thought I had a decent grasp on it but until I met Kristopher, & I learned I was totally wrong. These men and women go to a foreign place and fight for a country that doesn't even know their name. I learned that I could never do what they do. 

The biggest thing I learned is that not all wounds are visible. We assume that they must be okay if they come back in one piece. A lot of people forget about these troops, the ones who have left the battlefield..but the battlefield wont leave them. 

I've gotten e-mails from people saying what I'm doing is "wonderful" or "inspiring". But there is nothing I can do that is more inspiring than what our men and women in uniform do. I hope to be half the person that some of those people are someday. I learned that I'm ready to be the change that I wish to see in the world. 

And maybe one day, Ellie will ask me what war was.